Wall of Shame

“Jim Mee's pick: brave. England's performance: less so.”

“That's a wrap, Jim Mee. DR Congo couldn't organise a kickabout in a phone box.”

“Iraq are out. Jim Mee, the group chat will not be kind.”

“Tournament over for Jim Mee. Curaçao did their best impression of a training cone.”

“Game over Adam Major. England couldn't find a final ball with GPS.”

“France have boarded the misery express. Jacob Ruparelia, ticket's in your jacket.”

“Jacob Ruparelia eliminated. Austria were so flat you could iron them.”

“Late drama. Wrong direction. Bye Jacob Ruparelia, bye Iran.”

“Jacob Ruparelia, time to find a new hobby. Scotland already have.”

“Ben Bryans is out. France gave us a masterclass in how not to defend.”

“Lights out for Leo Cripps. Switzerland forgot to pay the electricity bill.”

“Tournament over for Leo Cripps. Colombia did their best impression of a training cone.”

“Leo Cripps's sweepstake journey ends here. Egypt forgot to bring a defence.”

“Leo Cripps eliminated. United States were so flat you could iron them.”

“Tournament over for Sam Major. Switzerland did their best impression of a training cone.”

“Fletcher Dyer eliminated. Belgium were so flat you could iron them.”

“Fletcher Dyer is out. Mexico gave less fight than a wet paper bag.”

“Fletcher Dyer, Bosnia and Herzegovina have finally accepted their lifestyle of disappointment.”

“Fletcher Dyer, Czech Republic have ascended to the World Cup of regret.”

“Rich Cliffe, Belgium have ascended to the World Cup of regret.”

“Lights out for Harry Cliffe. Norway forgot to pay the electricity bill.”

“Harry Cliffe, condolences. Cape Verde have officially run out of vibes.”

“Harry Cliffe, your team picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.”

“That's a wrap, Harry Cliffe. New Zealand couldn't organise a kickabout in a phone box.”

“Norway packed up early. Yasmin Tarrant, you're cordially invited to do the same.”

“Dave Mee is out. Morocco gave 110%. Sadly only of the wrong things.”

“Theo Stubbs is out. Colombia gave us a masterclass in how not to defend.”

“Goodbye Egypt, goodbye Kev Ruparelia. The dream dies in HD.”

“Sweepstake update: Fred Stubbs is now spectating. Portugal have been spectating for 90 minutes.”

“Bye bye Fred Stubbs. Algeria have packed their bags, and so have your sweepstake dreams.”

“Ecuador eliminated. Fred Stubbs updates LinkedIn to "open to opportunities".”

“Fred Stubbs, condolences. Tunisia have officially run out of vibes.”

“Julia Cole out. Portugal fans now permanently on the "next time" diet.”

“Bye bye Scarlett Tarrant. United States have packed their bags, and so have your sweepstake dreams.”

“Brad Dewick out. Mexico fans now permanently on the "next time" diet.”

“Brazil are out. Charlie Heggs is now emotionally unavailable.”

“Game over Charlie Heggs. Ghana couldn't find a final ball with GPS.”

“Late drama. Wrong direction. Bye Charlie Heggs, bye Ivory Coast.”

“South Africa are out. Charlie Heggs is now emotionally unavailable.”

“Lights out for Lee Cripps. Brazil forgot to pay the electricity bill.”

“It's over Dexter Tarrant. Paraguay have officially become a cautionary tale.”

“Dexter Tarrant eliminated. Senegal produced more memes than chances.”

“Dexter Tarrant is out. Japan gave 110%. Sadly only of the wrong things.”

“Dexter Tarrant, South Korea have ascended to the World Cup of regret.”

“Late drama. Wrong direction. Bye Brad/Evie Joint, bye Paraguay.”

“Russ Bryans out. Canada fans now permanently on the "next time" diet.”

“Goodnight Joe Major. Ghana forgot football is played with feet.”

“Michael Fennell, that was painful to watch. Cape Verde clearly agreed.”

“Sweepstake update: Louie Major is now spectating. Australia have been spectating for 90 minutes.”

“Louie Major is out. Netherlands gave 110%. Sadly only of the wrong things.”

“Bye bye Louie Major. Saudi Arabia have packed their bags, and so have your sweepstake dreams.”

“Louie Major is out. Panama played like they'd never met each other.”

“Joe Cliffe, time to find a new hobby. Australia already have.”

“Game over Kelly Allard. Algeria couldn't find a final ball with GPS.”

“Luca/Amelie Major eliminated. Croatia were so flat you could iron them.”

“Stacey Heggs is out. Austria played like they'd never met each other.”

“Late drama. Wrong direction. Bye Charlie Major, bye Senegal.”

“Tim Dalton is out. Bosnia and Herzegovina gave less fight than a wet paper bag.”

“Daisy Housden-Major is out. DR Congo gave 110%. Sadly only of the wrong things.”

“Theo Ruparelia, Ecuador have finally accepted their lifestyle of disappointment.”

“Olly Parslow's sweepstake journey ends here. Sweden forgot to bring a defence.”

“Germany crashed out. Olly Parslow, the bar tab is now your only trophy.”

“Olly Parslow is out. Qatar gave less fight than a wet paper bag.”

“Tournament over for Olly Parslow. Turkey did their best impression of a training cone.”

“Kaye Cripps out. Sweden fans now permanently on the "next time" diet.”

“Lights out for Bradley Evans. Ivory Coast forgot to pay the electricity bill.”

“Nana Jan, Germany have finally accepted their lifestyle of disappointment.”

“Sue/Vic Tarrant eliminated. Netherlands produced more memes than chances.”

“Japan eliminated. Sandie Ibanez-Leach updates LinkedIn to "open to opportunities".”

“Hugh Dyer is out. South Africa played like they'd never met each other.”

“Lights out for Pam Bowler. Uruguay forgot to pay the electricity bill.”

“Jacob Hebblethwaite-Smith, Iran have ascended to the World Cup of regret.”

“That's a wrap, Pete Williams. Scotland couldn't organise a kickabout in a phone box.”

“Fiona Major, your team picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.”

“Goodbye Uzbekistan, goodbye Gemma Bryans. The dream dies in HD.”

“Angela Stirling, time to find a new hobby. Saudi Arabia already have.”

“Evie Walton is out. New Zealand gave us a masterclass in how not to defend.”

“Goodnight Gwen Bowler. Iraq forgot football is played with feet.”

“Sweepstake update: Liam Barrett is now spectating. Curaçao have been spectating for 90 minutes.”

“Czech Republic crashed out. John Tarrant, the bar tab is now your only trophy.”

“Qatar are out. Wendy Fennell, the group chat will not be kind.”

“Brady Heggs is out. Panama gave us a masterclass in how not to defend.”

“Jordan eliminated. Angela Major updates LinkedIn to "open to opportunities".”

“Nathan Heggs is out. Tunisia gave us a masterclass in how not to defend.”

“Hopes: high. Turkey: not. Sorry Dan Heggs.”

“Haiti are out. Teresa Bowler is now emotionally unavailable.”